Have you ever had someone saying to you, "I don't know how to tell him/her but I really don't think it's gonna work out between me and him/her anymore. Is there a way I can tell him/her without hurting him/her?".

Dear lord, every time someone pops that question, I am so ever tempted to pull my baseball bat out of the secret compartment from my evil head and swing it right at his/her face and scream at his/her face; "What are you dumb or retarded?! What kinda fxckshit question are you asking?". Seriously there is no where in hell that you'll find a way to break up with someone without hurting them. Only way to not hurt them is suck whatever misery you have in the relationship out of your dumb brain and chuck it up your ass and hold his/her hands and pretend everything is peachy perfect. Yes, you're dumb the minute that question pops into your head and you're just about to spill it right out in your bestie's face.

That being said, I do not think all breakups have to be bad or ugly up to the point where you can't even be distant friends. Of course it's gonna hurt no matter how you lay it out but at least bring out some honesty and tell him/her how you really feel. Don't be fake in whatever you do. Try to break it off honestly and maturely so both of you can move on with your life until someone better suited comes along. If he/she has questions, do answer them fairly without engaging in any form of blame-finding game. Oftentimes there are faults in both sides that wrecks the relationship. Just remember to be kind and compassionate. The sooner you do it, the sooner he or she can heal and move on with their life. Good luck to those of you who are plotting a breakup plan. *I'm no professor in the game of love. In all the trips and rides of my life, I took some wrong turns and lost my way. I found my way back but I cannot be certain that I'll never get lost. However, lessons will be learned and life shall move on.*

To those of you jerks out there who are too much of a chicken to do it yourself and hoping silently that he/she will hit the road, and fast. You can now hope out loud. Here's a couple of tips I gather from magazines and websites (well I tweak them a little and I sprinkled some of my dark evil spices into the soon-to-be-breakup potion for more intense flavor) that you might consider useful:

1. When you're taking a crap or a leak, purposely leave the door open and Work It Baby! Do it like you mean it! Make a good show out of it and make sure he/she hears them good.
2. Pee repeatedly on the seat and do not flush - it usually only works if you're a guy
3. Pick your nose on a date and proceed with feeding him/her that prawn you peel specially for.
4. Tell your partner that he/she reminds you of your high school sweetheart. Do not forget to throw in some juicy details that what they both have in common throws you off your chair and turns you on in rocket time.
5. Ask her to get a breast enlargement or ask him to get a dick enlargement.

Those are my top 5 favorites and I kinda think it might actually work if you really wanna try it out but I truly do not recommend it unless you're really out of choices. They are purely just for laughs. Hope you guys enjoy it.